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| the_naughty_ninja |
Well if u never knew how dum blondes could get then this is proven evidence about it.Read it and laugh Out Loud:
*Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling? A blonde electrician.
*What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet? Last year's hide and seek champ.
*How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday? Tell her a joke on Monday.
*What do you call a bunch of blondes in a circle? A dope ring.
*What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? You only have to put information into a computer once.
*What is the mating call of a blonde? I think I'm drunk!
*What did the blonde think of the new computer? She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
*Why do blondes shoes say TGIF? Toes go in first!
*Have you heard about the new shirts made just for blondes? They come with an instruction manuel. LEFT ARM,RIGHT ARM, HEAD,FRONT,BACK.
*Two blondes are observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their BMW. Blonde#1:I cant seem to get this door unlocked. Blonde#2:Well you better hurry up, its starting to rain and the top is down!
*How does a blonde kill a bird? Throws it off a building
*There is a blonde and a brunette that want to commit suicide, so they climb up the Eiffel tower. The brunette jumps off, and the blonde goes to somebody and asks how do you get down.
*How did the blonde break her arm while she was raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
*What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in a row? A wind tunnel.
*If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would land first? The brunette - the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
*How do you drown a blonde? Put a mirror on the bottom of a swimming pool.
*Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.
*How does a blonde do a High-Five? She smacks herself in the forehead.
*Why do blondes wear their hair up? To try and catch everything that's over their heads.
*What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
*Why do blondes always die before help arrives? They can't dial 911 there's no eleven on a telephone.
*Why don't blondes eat pickles? Their heads always get stuck in the jar.
*What's the advantage of being married to a blonde? You can park in a handicapped zone.
*What do an intelligent blonde and a UFO have in common. You often hear about them, but you never see one.
*How many blonde jokes are there? None, they're all true.
*What does a blonde who has dyed her hair brown have? Artificial intelligence.
*How do you get a blonde to climb up on the roof? Tell her that the drinks are on the house.
*What did the blonde yell when she saw the car accident? I'll go and call 911, what's the number?
*What goes vroom-screech, vroom-screech? A blonde driving through a flashing red light.
*What's a blonde doing when she grasps at thin air? Collecting her thoughts.
*What do you call an intelligent blonde? A golden retriever.
*How do you keep a blonde busy? Give her a pack of M&M's and ask her to alphabetize them.
*How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? 100; 1 to make the batter, and 99 to peel the M&M's.
*Why would a blonde wear green lipstick? Because red means Stop.
*Why do blondes always fail driver's tests? Every time the car stops, they hop in the back seat.
*What would a blonde say if her doctor told her that she was pregnant? Is it mine?
*What did the blonde's mom say before her daughter went out on a date? If you're not in bed by 10 PM, come home!
*One day, a blonde was driving to California. On the way, she saw a sign that said, Clean Restrooms Ahead. By the time she finally reached the coast, she had scrubbed and polished 68 of them.
*Two blondes were walking in the woods when they came upon some tracks. The first blonde said, You know, those look like deer tracks. The other blonde said, No, silly, those are moose tracks. They were still arguing about it when a train hit them.
*A blonde woman was very proud of herself for finishing her jigsaw puzzle in only two months; after all, the box said 2-5 years.
*One day, two blondes were driving to Disneyland. As they passed through Anaheim, they saw a sign on the freeway that said, Disneyland Left. So they turned around and went home.
*Blondes are too biased. It's always, Buy us this, buy us that!
A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she'd like a medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she'd like to have it cut into: six or twelve. Oh, goodness, six please, said the blonde. I don't think I could ever eat twelve.
*One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park. Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, Oh, look, a dead birdie. The blonde looked up and said, Where?
*A blonde woman became very depressed when she looked at her driver's license and saw that she had an "F" in sex.
*Once upon a time, there was a blonde who had six young boys, all of whom she named 'Jimmy'. One day, her aunt asked, Why did you name all of these boys 'Jimmy'? The blond said, So I can keep track of 'em. The aunt gave her a wild look. So you can keep track of 'em? How the heck can you do that when they're all named 'Jimmy'? The blonde looked at her aunt, shrugged and said, No problem, I just call them by their last names.
*Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. Then, one of them decides to call 911. Blonde: We need help, me and two other blondes are trying to change a light bulb. Operator: Hmm. Have you put a fresh bulb in? B: Yes. O: Is the power in the house turned on? B: Of course! O: And the switch is on? B: Yes, yes! O: And the bulb still won't light up? B: Actually, the bulb's working fine. O: Then what's the problem? B: Well, we got dizzy spinning the ladder around, and we all fell off and hurt ourselves.
*Two women, a blonde and a redhead, were stranded on an island. The redhead looked over the water to the mainland and estimated the distance to be about twenty miles. So, she announced that she was going to go for it. After swimming fifteen miles or so, the redhead began to get tired. However, determined to keep at it, she kept going. Unfortunately, seventeen miles out, she became exhausted and drowned. Now, the blonde had always been the strongest of the two. And so, after seeing how far the redhead had gotten, she knew that she had a good chance of making it. The blonde swam away from the island, and was making good time. She passed fifteen miles easily; however, when she reached seventeen, she began to get tired, too. But she kept going. Finally, after reaching nineteen miles, with the mainland only a mile away and in sight, the blonde realized that she was simply too tired to go on. So she swam back.
*What's black and blue and brown and lying in a ditch? A brunette that told too many blonde jokes (grin).
*How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a round room and tell her to pee in the corner.
*How does a blonde confuse you? She tells you she did.
*How do you amuse a blonde for hours? Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
*Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? (1) So they know if it is morning or afternoon. (2) So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
*What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning? A visitor.
*What do you call two nuns and a blonde? Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
*A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.
*Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver blonde turned to her friend and said, You know - it's blondes like that, that give us a bad name! To this the other blonde replied, I know it, and if I knew how to swim I'd go out there and drown her.
*How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde? There is a stamp on it.
*Why do blondes like lightning? They think someone is taking their picture.
*Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? From crawling across the street when the sign said DON'T WALK.
*How do you keep a blonde in suspense? (I'll tell you tomorrow).
*Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.? Blonde: I don't know. Why? Teller: It was easier to spell. Blonde: Easier than what?
*Did you hear about the blond skydiver? She missed the Earth!
*A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells Oh! So you wanna race, huh?
*How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb...two...one to hold the diet pepsi and one to call daaaady. |
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