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| XTC |
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender: "What is a B and C?"
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7!!"
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| davidli2k |
| What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
You can only put three fingers into a bowling ball.
What does a blonde and a bowling ball have in common?
Both are round,smooth and have three holes to poke.
What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A rooster goes "cock-a-doodle-do" and a blonde goes"Any cock will do"
What's the difference between a blonde and a man?
A blonde has a higher sperm count
What's the difference between a blonde and a BMW?
You dont lend your BMW to your friends
What things in air will make a blonde pregnant?
Her legs
The Wackyalien |
| davidli2k |
| A blonde was desperately in need of money.So she goes to a park and decides to kidnap a kid.She grabs a kid and tells him"I've kidnapped you".She puts a note into the kid's pocket and sends him home.Upon reaching home the kid's mom reads the note which says"I've kidnapped your kid.Please send me $10000."The next day the kid comes back to the park with $10000 and a note for the blonde.The blonde opens the note and reads".You heartless bitch.How can you do this to a fellow blonde?"
The Wackyalien |
| davidli2k |
| A blonde gets the news that her Mom is very sick.So she rushes to the G.P.O to make a call to her Mom.When she reaches there she asks the person in charge she wants to make a call.Seeing the pretty blonde the man decides to have fun with her.He tells her that the cost will be $500.Not having enough money,the blonde begs the man and says that she will do anything to make the call.
The man takes her to the back room,drops his pants and tells her to go ahead.The blonde looked surprised and asks "So you mean I have to do this so I can get to call my Mom?"The man says "Yes,go ahead" The blonde kneels down,grabs the Thing, brings her mouth closer and says"Hello,Mom,can you hear me?"
The Wackyalien |
| davidli2k |
| Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.
Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.
Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.
Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.
Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
The Wackyalien |
| davidli2k |
| How blonde was she?? She was soooooooooooooo blonde...
... she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
... she thought a quarterback was a refund.
... she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order
... she thought Boyz II Men was a day-care center.
... she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.
... she thought General Motors was in the Army.
... she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
... she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
... under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics".
... she tried to drown a fish.
... she tripped over a cordless phone.
... she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it
said "concentrate".
... she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
... she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK".
... they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
... at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius".
... she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
... it takes her two hours to watch "60 Minutes".
... she studied for a blood test-and failed.
... she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train".
... she sold the car for gas money.
... when she saw the movie rating "NC-17: under 17 not admitted", she went home and got 16 friends.
... when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
... she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
... when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
... when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left", she turned around and went home.
... she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
The Wackyalien |
| XTC |
| Q: What do blondes and prawns have in common?
A: The heads are full of shit but the pink bits taste nice.
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
True knowledge of sound carries with it great power. It allows one to travel without moving.
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ |
| XTC |
| This blond got married on Ash Wednesday. On the first day of their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "Because it's Lent."
Almost in tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Who did you lend it to and for how long?"
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
True knowledge of sound carries with it great power. It allows one to travel without moving.
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ |
| jennylee |
|
A Blonde Goes to the Library?
Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it."
The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"
|
| jennylee |
| No-So-Dumb Blonde
One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to one of those annoying, pushy businessmen. He asks her if she would like to play a game. She politely declines, but the man explains the game to her anyway.
He says, "It goes like this: I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong you will give me $5, and vice-versa."
She says no again, and tries to fall asleep.
The man tries harder, saying, "Aw, come on. I'll give you $50 for each question. Or how about $500?"
At that number, the blonde agrees.
The businessman explains again, "If you get my question wrong you give me $5. And when you ask the question, and I get it wrong, I will pay you $500.
"Got it," she replies.
He asks, "Who was the sixth president?" She admits she doesn't know and gives him $5.
Now it's her turn, and she says, "What has purple legs, five arms and only two yellow teeth?"
The businessman doesn't know - he uses his laptop, checks the Internet, e-mails his friends. No one knows the answer. So he gives her $500.00.
Then, as they're landing he asks her, "What was that thing anyway?"
She thinks a few minutes, hands him $5 and walks off the plane.
|
| XTC |
| A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table.
The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed children's jigsaw puzzle. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"
The blonde who brought in the picture explains, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together.
"The side of the box said 2 to 4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
True knowledge of sound carries with it great power. It allows one to travel without moving.
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ |
| XTC |
| A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
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A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was: "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
True knowledge of sound carries with it great power. It allows one to travel without moving.
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ |
| kool_loving_babe |
|
3 Wishes
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."
The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."
POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too."
POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.
The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"
The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."
|
| kool_loving_babe |
| Blonde Nurse
Why did the blonde nurse take a red magic marker to work?
In case she had to draw some blood.
|
| kool_loving_babe |
| Lunch time
There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. They were all builders and they were working on a sky-scraper. They always ate lunch on the top of the building. The brunette always had a ham sandwich for her lunch, The red head always had a cheese sandwich, and the blonde always had a turkey sandwich. One day they all got sick of always having the same thing to eat everyday, so they made a deal. They all said that if they brought the same sandwich they usually bring, they would have to jump off of the top of the building.
The next day, the blonde was found dead on the ground by the building. The husbands of the three builders were there and they started to talk. The red head's husband said to the other two men, "I packed my wife a peanut butter and jelly j so she wouldn't jump off."
The husband of the brunette said to the other two men, "I packed my wife a turkey sandwich so she wouldnt jump off."
They both looked at the wife of the blonde and he said:" Don't look at me, my wife packs her own lunch!"
|
| kool_loving_babe |
| Dumb Blondes Mark as unread
Q.What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A.You pull the pin and throw it back!
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Police captured a blonde,berrnet and a redhead. They were about
to shoot them when the redhead yelled "Tornado!" The police
looked around and the redhead escaped. The police were furious
and once again said "3,2,1..." but the berrnet hollered "Flood!"
She too got away. The police then said "3.2.1..." and the blonde
screamed "Fire" so they shot her.
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Police were chasing a blonde, berrnet and a redhead into a barn.
They all jumped into a seperate empty sack that used to be full
of potatoes. The first policemen kicked the redhead's sack and
she said "Woof,woof" so the police said "Oh, well, its just a
dog." Then another cop kicks the berrnet's sack and her
response was "Meow,meow,meow." and the cop said "Oh, its just a
cat. A police then walks to the blondes's sack and kicks it and
the blonde said "Potato,potato,potato."
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| kool_loving_babe |
| The Microwave
One day a blonde went into a store and asked the man walking
around if she could buy the Microwave on the third shelf. The
man smiled kindly and said... " im sorry, but i can't sell that
to you." When the blonde asked why not, he simply said...
"because you are a blonde!" Well, that blonde wanted the
microwave SO bad, that she dyed her hair and came back. He STILL
said no :(! And when the blonde asked why, he said it was
"because she was a blonde" So she dyed her hair black. Same
outcome. She dyed her hair red. Same outcome! So the blonde
asked the man how he knew that she was a blonde. He
answered...
"BECAUSE THAT AINT NO MICROWAVE!!!ITS A T.V.!!!!!!!"
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