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| phil77 |
Letter from surds mother to him ...
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Pyaarey puttar,
Vahe Guru.I'm writing this letter slow, because I know you
cannot read fast.We don't live where we did when you left
home.Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen
20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.I won't be able to
send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took
the house numbers with them for their new house so they
wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice.It even has a washing machine,situated
right above the commode.I'm not sure it works too well.Last
week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen
them since.The weather here isn't too bad.It rained only twice l
ast week.The first it rained for 3 days and second time for
4 days.The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it
would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the
metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is
cutting the grass at the cemetery.Your sister had a baby
this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl or a boy,
so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.Your uncle,
Jatinder fell in a the nearby well.Some men tried to pull him
out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned.We cremated
him and he burned for three days.
Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to
fulfil his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be
buried in the sea after he died.And your friend died while in
the process of digging a grave for his father. There isn ' t
much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love Mom.
P.S : I was going to send you some money but the envelope
was already sealed.
Regards,
Alnoor.
())"():: |
| phil77 |
| Creative writing skills....
Phua Chu Kang was asked to make a sentence using
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10.
This is what he came up with ...
"1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep.
After I saw couple, couple saw me, so I panic and 4
down.The man rush out and wanted to 5 with me but I
run until I 6 and throw up. I chabot into 7 eleven to
hide and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then I get 9 and
try to stab him. And 10 hor ... 10 hor ... he die lor.
So, I put the 9 back and pay the girl for the 8
and left 7 eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say I
am 6. He said 5. Tomorrow also don need to come back 4
work. He also ask me to climb a 3 and jump.
I don understand, I nice 2 him but I don know what
he 1.
(Good for chatting)
())"():: |
| nelsonhou |
| READ THIS. LET IT REALLY SINK IN.
THEN CHOOSE HOW YOU START YOUR DAY TOMORROW
Michael is the kind of guy you love to love. He is always in a good
mood and always has something positive to say.
When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply,
"If I were any better, I would be twins!" He was a natural motivator.
If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there telling the
employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to
Michael and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"
Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have
two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood." I choose to be in a good mood.
Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can
choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.
Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept
their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.
"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.
"Yes, it is," Michael said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice.
You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect
your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life."
I reflected on what Michael said. Soon thereafter, I left the Tower
Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.
Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a serious
accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18
hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Michael was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back. I saw Michael about six months after the accident.
When I asked him how he was, he replied. "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?" I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.
"The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my
soon to be born daughter." Michael replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live."
"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.
Michael continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read "he's a dead man. I knew I needed to take action."
"What did you do?" I asked.
"Well there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said
Michael. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. Yes, I replied."
The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, "Gravity." Over their laughter, I told them, I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."
Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of
his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.
Attitude, after all, is everything.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. |
| phil77 |
| If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine??)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm........)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (OK, so that would be a good thing....)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?) '
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to(maybe even a chuckle)...in other words send it to everyone.
())"():: |
| phil77 |
| Same doctor was visited by a VERY gay patient. "Ooh, doc," says our friend, "I'm in terrible pain - you know - up there. Have a look and tell me what's wrong."
"Come off it," says the doctor, "you're just after a quick thrill."
"No, really, it hurts, it hurts!"
"Oh, all right", says the doctor, pulling on the rubber glove again and doing the procedure.
"Well, I'll be! No wonder you're in pain," exclaims the doctor, "Of all things, you've got a rose stuck up there! No, wait a moment, there's a whole bunch of roses!"
"I know," says the gay guy. "Read the card! Read the card!"
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First-year students at medical school were receiving their first anatomy class with the body of a deceased man. They all gathered around the surgery table where lay the cadaver, covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you must not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."
To prove his point, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it, and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, and after a few minutes of hesitation, took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!"
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A doorman working at a brothel hears a knock at the door. He opens up, and two sailors are standing there. They ask: "What can we get for a five bucks?"
"For five bucks?!" the doorman says, outraged, "You can suck each other's dicks for five bucks!" He then slams the door in their faces.
Ten minutes latter, there's another knock at the door. It's the sailors again. "What do YOU guys want?" the doorman roars.
"Where do we pay up?" they ask.
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Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a flea?
A: a itchy cock!
Q: what do you call a gay dwarf?
A: a low blow!
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A blonde calls United Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
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())"():: |
| formosa |
| Air Hostess asks laloo:Sir are u vegetarian/non-vegetarian
Laloo says I am sagittarian
Air hostess asks again:Sir aap Shakahari hai/Mamsahari hai
Laloo says " Main Bihari hoon"
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| formosa |
| Saddam meets Kajol asks her how is life?
Kajol says Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gum . How about u?
Saddam says Kabhi Bush Kabhi Bomb
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