Original Thread: Funny
	kool_loving_babe Upside Down Blonde   What do you call a blonde standing on her head? A brunette with bad breath.   "IN YOU O LORD I PUT MY TRUST; AND LET ME NOT BE PUT TO SHAME" kool_loving_babe Ooopsies How can you tell a blond has been working at a computer? There is white out all over the screen. "IN YOU O LORD I PUT MY TRUST; AND LET ME NOT BE PUT TO SHAME" kool_loving_babe Dead Mama A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." "I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest." The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?" "No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!" "IN YOU O LORD I PUT MY TRUST; AND LET ME NOT BE PUT TO SHAME" kool_loving_babe Pre-Paid Plan A guy goes to a house of prostitution. He selects a girl, pays her $200 up front, and he gets undressed. She's about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings! She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand. He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her. He's searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking for her. By this time, the firemen are there. He sees one of them and asks, "Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?" The fireman says, "No!" The guy then says, "Well if you see her, screw her. It's paid for." "IN YOU O LORD I PUT MY TRUST; AND LET ME NOT BE PUT TO SHAME" kool_loving_babe Three words that describe Britney Spears My computer is like Britney Spears; cheap, white, and plastic. "IN YOU O LORD I PUT MY TRUST; AND LET ME NOT BE PUT TO SHAME" kool_loving_babe I feel like chicken tonight Why did George Bush cross the road? Beause his penis was stuck in the chicken! "IN YOU O LORD I PUT MY TRUST; AND LET ME NOT BE PUT TO SHAME" kool_loving_babe Hey fatty Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said to be continued. "IN YOU O LORD I PUT MY TRUST; AND LET ME NOT BE PUT TO SHAME" jennylee This has got to be one of the funniest I've heard of in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired!!! Lily ============ This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say, the Help Desk employee was fired however, he is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause." This is the actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations) "Rich Hall computer assistance; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." "What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." "Went away?" "They disappeared." "Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing." "Nothing? "It's a blank; it won't accept anything when I type." "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?" "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?" "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type." "Does your monitor have a power indicator?" "What's a monitor?" "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have little light that tells you when it's on?" "I don't know." "Well, then look on the back of th! e monito r and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" "Yes, I think so." "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall." "Yes, it is." "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" "No." "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." "Okay, here it is." "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." "I can't reach." "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" "No." Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's dark." "Dark?" "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." "Well, turn on the office light then." "I can't." "No? Why not?" "Because there's a power failure." "A power.......a power failure?.... Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." "Really? Is it that bad?" "Yes, I'm afraid it is." "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer." jennylee THE WEDDING TEST My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me, and I got many a pleasant view. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she could not overcome and did not really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and could not say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her clothes and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight toward my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!" The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car. jennylee Once upon in air india flight, one Indian man and a English man were traveling, the indian man got his dinner from home, he took it out the box, and took out a roti (indian chapati) then at that moment english man curiously asked 'what?s that', the indian replied 'bread of India' After a while the indian took out a gulabjamun (indian sweet), at that moment english asked 'whats that' then english replied 'sweet of india', after some time the indian guy farted with a big sound at that moment the english man asked 'what?s that', the indian said thats 'AIR INDIA' jennylee Men are like?... Men are like ........ Laxatives ......They irritate the **** out of you. Men are like ........ Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are. Men are like ........ Vacations ......They never seem to be long enough. Men are like ........ Weather ...... Nothing can be done to change them Men are like ........ Blenders ...... You need one, but you're not quite sure why. Men are like ........ Chocolate Bars ...... Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips. Men are like ........ Coffee ...... The best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night long. Men are like ........ Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say. Men are like ........ Department Stores ...... Their clothes are always half off. Men are like ........ Government Bonds ...... They take soooooo long to mature. Men are like ........ Mascara ...... They usually run at the first sign of emotion. Men are like ........ Popcorn ...... They satisfy you but only for little while. Men are like ........ Snowstorms ...... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last. Men are like ......... Lava Lamps ...... Fun to look at but not very bright. Men are like ........ Parking Spots ...... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.